


Tell you a secret (I'm not alarmed)

by chailover



Series: You can light up the dark [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Fluff, Gen, Humor, No Uchiha Massacre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 10:36:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13568802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chailover/pseuds/chailover
Summary: Today was the day. Sasuke clenched his fist so tight that his knuckles turned white, today was the day he would finally get his revenge againstthatman.





	Tell you a secret (I'm not alarmed)

**Author's Note:**

> ...Part of my Nano project was a Naruto AU where things diverged from canon the night of the Kyuubi attack. I didn't write this part during Nano but it was a funny thought that occurred to me for paralleling canon. Sort of. Not particularly serious or polished. Or makes much sense. Still sorry that I'm not sorry.

**

The sun was shining in an azure blue sky, a few clouds drifting slowly in the soft wind. It was a beautiful day, the chill of the morning burning away to a comfortable warmth. Birds chirped in the distance, but he _knew_ , despite the idyllic setting. 

Today was the day. Sasuke clenched his fist so tight that his knuckles turned white, today was the day he would finally get his revenge against _that_ man.

The door to the modest apartment opened and his brother gave him a weird look. “Why are you loitering by the door, Sasuke? Mother said you had things to drop off before the practice session, right?”

Startled out of his dark thoughts, Sasuke huffed, “it’s not practice,” as he pushed his way in. “It’s _training_ , real hand-to-hand combat training!”

“Right, right.” His brother said in a conciliatory tone, accepting the cloth-wrapped package as Sasuke took off his sandals in the entryway.

Sasuke scowled as his brother neatened the sandals and in his own polite but implacable way, maneuvered him into sitting down at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and savory snacks, as if this apartment wasn’t a second home to him. There was a spare room that was open to him anytime he wanted, his clothes and toiletries kept there, along with his favorite drinks and snacks in the pantry. The Uchiha compound was still home, but this apartment had his brother, and therefore was his home away from home.

“It’s your favorite dishes,” Sasuke muttered around a mouthful of rice cracker, as his brother opened up the package to a three tiered bento box filled with food. “And that idiot’s, I guess. She wants to know if you two would be by for lunch tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Itachi said with a fond smile. “She seems to think we’ll starve otherwise.” He packed everything back up again and put it away before sitting down with his own cup of tea. In exchange for the snacks, Sasuke found himself gently grilled about his current state of affairs. “How are Naruto-kun and Sakura-san?”

“The dead last’s fine,” Sasuke rolled his eyes. “He’s going back out with the pervert - I mean, Jiraiya, in another week or so, but for now we’re doing team-drills in strategy and tactics whenever we can drag Kakashi-sensei away from his stupid book for training. Sakura’s doing as many shifts as she can fit in at the hospital, Shizune and Lady Tsunade are running her ragged, but last week she busted up training ground 3 by just punching it…” he shuddered a little at how close of a call it was and quickly changed the subject. “How about you?”

Itachi sipped his tea, “The usual. We’re buried in paperwork - “ this is a lie, Sasuke knew, because he visited Itachi’s office with some regularity, and it was as impeccable as the rest of him, “But we’re working through it.” His brother was a genius, after all - and even if paperwork was a formidable foe compared to enemy shinobi, according to the Lord Hokage and Commander Nara, Sasuke had never known his brother to be defeated by anything. “Once we’re done with the planning for the next round of Chunin exams, things should slow down. Lord Hokage was going to ask Lord Jiraiya to keep Naruto-kun’s training trip close to Konoha, so the three of them can have some ‘family time’.”

Sasuke can hear the quote around the words. He didn’t mind, because while the combination of Naruto-Jiraiya-Minato was nothing but trouble, the Lord Hokage having downtime meant his brother having downtime, which was never a bad thing. “Does that mean you’ll have time to teach me a new jutsu?” he said. 

“Ah, is Kakashi-sempai not keeping you busy enough?” His brother teased. “I seem to remember someone crashing here at 3AM groaning that they hated ninjutsu training.”

“That’s because it’s Kakashi,” Sasuke glared. “He thinks it’s fun to improve our chakra reserves by making us do intensive stamina training. That time he had us running laps around Konoha until we dropped.”

Itachi looked nostalgic. “That does sound like him,” his brother agreed and Sasuke wondered if Kakashi’s tactics for training his former genin team was ever used on his ANBU team. If so, then Itachi probably had reason to be nostalgic. “But I’m sure it’s worked to make you stronger.”

Sasuke smirked. “Yeah,” it’s probably the reason why he was able to somewhat hold his own against Lee in the sparring match two days ago - granted, the Taijutsu master hadn’t opened any of his gates, but Sasuke had been fast enough to force him to remove his weights after the first set of blows. Before he could wheedle at his brother some more to claim his upcoming free time, there was the sound of keys jingling in the lock and a cheerful voice calling out.

“I’m home!”

Sasuke’s mood instantly blackened and he turned in his chair to scowl darkly at the door as Itachi called out, “In here, Shisui.” His idiot cousin came into view, with his usual grin and messy hair. The grin widened when he saw Sasuke.

“Baby cousin! Ready to get your ass kicked, squirt?”

“Don’t call me that!” Sasuke growled, glowering for all his worth at Shisui - without the Sharingan, anyway, he was saving that for his sweet, sweet revenge. But if Shisui was at all intimidated, it did not deter him from ruffling Sasuke’s hair on his way past the bristling teen, easily dodging the irritated retaliatory swipe.

“Aaah, teenagers are so moody!” Shisui sighed dramatically as he plopped a bag down in front of Itachi. “Mochi for my little cousin, and tomatoes for my baby cousin. Don’t say I never did anything for you two. Hey, if Sasuke’s here, does that mean Aunt Mikoto gave us food?”

Sasuke could feel his blood pressure spiking as his idiot cousin turned his back on them to start rooting through the refrigerator for his mother’s homemade cooking. “YOU! Training ground 70! We’ll see who’s going to get their ass kicked!”

**

Itachi had a pretty good idea of what was driving his little brother into a rather uncharacteristic rage - it didn’t matter if it was ANBU or pre-genin, shinobi in general are incorrigible gossips and he would hardly be worth the title of a shinobi if he didn’t know the usual going-ons (not to mention that Genma-san had been laughing so hard that he could barely breathe) - but it didn’t stop him from potentially poking the bear and joining Sasuke and Shisui...along with the mochi.

“Really?” Shisui asked with a sidelong glance as Sasuke stomped on a few steps ahead. “We’re going to try and beat each other up and you’re just going to watch the show?”

“The mochi won’t be as good if I let it sit too long,” Itachi answered sagely. “And besides, this is just a training session.”

“Yeah, right, did you see the glare he gave me? He’s going to try and kill me.” Shisui heaved a long sigh and put his hands on the back of his head. “I don’t even know what I did~”

Itachi snorted. The thing about Shisui was that his favorite fighting technique wasn’t the Body Flicker or Kotoamatsukami or some Fire jutsu. Shisui’s favorite technique was to play at being an idiot or a nice guy (or an Idiotic Nice Guy, not to be confused with Might Guy) and have his opponents underestimate him. Or in the case of people who knew him too well to be fooled, he liked to be so infuriating that they lost all reason and are consumed with nothing but the desire to strangle him. It usually made for very short fights.

“You know exactly what you did,” Itachi answered, but just in case: “And this is _just_ a training session,” he smiled at his favorite cousin and found it a little funny when his face went pale. “I think you know that my mother would be sad if either of you get injured during mere practice, _right_?”

“...right.”

**

Sasuke cracked his knuckles. A breath of wind blew through the few sparse trees in Training ground 70, stirring up a leaf that swirled around his ankle. Shisui was doing stretches while his brother sat by one of the trees closest to the clearing they were in, taking out...a thermos? And mochi?

“Are you having a picnic?” He asked his brother flatly. Itachi blinked at him innocently.

“I’m observing your sparring session,” Itachi answered.

“He’s having a picnic.” Shisui said at the same time.

Itachi ignored him. Looking at him now, Sasuke can understand why the people who have never seen his brother fight could get fooled by the bookish librarian aura that Itachi liked to use as a cover. After his stellar shinobi career that ended prematurely in permanent inactive status due to medical reasons, his rather misleading (and inglorious title) of ‘assistant to the Office of the Hokage’ brought to mind something like a secretary, someone that brought papers to sign and poured tea for the powerful men they served.

Well, Itachi did occasionally wear dorky glasses, but Sasuke also knew that his brother was basically Lord Hokage’s right hand along with Jounin Commander Nara. And whoever thought that a quiet assistant was the weak link to Konoha’s highest administrative functions didn’t think that long before they’re awaiting the pleasure of the T&I department. 

His brother was a badass. A dorky badass with a horrible sweet tooth and mother hen tendencies, but a badass nonetheless.

Shisui, on the other hand…

Sasuke punched his left fist into his right palm. “Whatever. Let’s get a move on. Taijutsu only, no ninja weapons. First to five points or a submission hold.”

“What did I even do?” Shisui whined as they got into position. They bowed and made the signs to start the match. 

“You know what you did!” Sasuke roared, immediately launching into a series of lightening fast kicks and punches. Shisui yelped and dodged, barely missed having his teeth knocked out by a roundhouse. “Don’t pretend - “ His cousin jumped and his form blurred, but Sasuke spun around in time to intercept a knife-hand strike at his shoulder, “ - you don’t know! Raido said it in front of everyone and you didn’t deny it!”

Sakura’s chakra control was, for the lack of a better word, absolutely perfect. Sasuke’s control was not quite as perfect but she had taught him a few tricks. Shisui’s eyes widened when Sasuke’s punch made a small crater in the clearing, the blow missing him by scant centimeters.

“Wait, so this is about -?”

“Yes!” Sasuke yelled, and he could swear Itachi was laughing in the background. “He said it and now _everyone_ is calling me the Baby Uchiha!”

\-- At the tactics brainstorming session, Kakashi eye-smiled at him and said, “How are Normal Uchiha and Little Uchiha doing, Baby Uchiha?”

\-- At the mission desk, “Aww, Baby Uchiha’s all grown up! I know just the B-rank for your team! Make your brother proud!”

\--At ramen with Naruto, “There you go! Tomato miso ramen for Baby Uchiha, I know it’s your favorite!”

\--At the weapon’s shop, “Ara, if it isn’t Baby Uchiha. Come in, sweetie, I will give you a great deal!”

Shisui was wheezing, but it wasn’t from exertion. Sasuke was seeing red but he was pretty sure it wasn’t the Sharingan that made Shisui’s face turn pink. It was actually from Shisui trying not to laugh. That didn’t help with his rage at all, and he swore on his name and his life that he. Will. Have. Revenge.

“Shisuiiiiiiiii!!!!!” He yelled.

His cousin was bent over laughing, but even as Sasuke punched, his form blinked out and the world spun until the sky was down and the ground was up and Sasuke landed on his back, hard. Shisui flipped over while he was still gasping for breath and then got him in a wrist-lock before sitting on him.

“Point to me.” He said cheerfully.

Sasuke tried to get up but couldn’t move. His free hand clawed at the ground. “Why…?” he muttered. He had done so well against Lee, but even without his Body Flicker technique, Shisui was stupendously fast. The jerk wasn’t even short of breath or sweaty. This entire time he had probably been toying with Sasuke. He hadn’t closed the distance between their skill levels at all…

“Hey, you’re being too serious about this,” Shisui said worriedly when Sasuke tried to kick him. “It was just a joke. Genma-san said there were too many Uchihas to keep track of on the team so he called us those names, and you just happened to be the little squirt always coming to hang around Itachi.”

“I am an avenger! I will have my revenge!” Sasuke ranted.

Itachi was suddenly in front of them, and bent down toward his prone brother. Then he poked Sasuke on the forehead. 

Sasuke blinked in surprise, startled into looking at the interloper. “...nii-san?”

“You’ve fallen into his trap, Sasuke,” Itachi intoned solemnly even as Shisui sputtered. “He wanted to drive you into a rage with this attack on your sense of self and dignity, and you’ve done exactly as he intended.”

“I didn’t know he’d take it that seriously!” Shisui protested. 

Sasuke ignored him, which Shisui thought was kind of rude. But unfortunately it wasn’t anything new, Itachi had the special power of being able to effortlessly hold Sasuke’s attention, no matter the situation. “What do I do, brother?”

Itachi smiled. “Keep a cool head, train hard, come up with and practice counter-strategies. Fight smarter, not harder. Even the strongest shinobi has a weakness.” 

Shisui, sensing that Sasuke was at least no longer frothing at the mouth, released his littlest cousin and leapt to a safe distance away. He didn’t like the thoughtful look on Sasuke’s face as he got up, or the amused one on Itachi’s. “Uh...guys…?”

“What’s his weakness, brother?” Sasuke asked intently.

Itachi turned his smile onto Shisui, and after a beat, Sasuke also turned to look at him. Uchiha Shisui, infamous throughout the ninja world for his speed and skill, peerless except for a very select few, felt the unfamiliar urge to flee for his life at the sight of the two brothers’ pitch black gazes. They didn’t even have their Sharingan activated, but he had a very bad feeling. Because he knew very well how evil Itachi can be. 

“Well…” Itachi mused, “He _is_ ticklish.”

Shisui gave into the urge and _ran_. Behind him, he could hear Sasuke yell in glee, and give chase.

**End

**Author's Note:**

> ...In case anyone is curious, Mikoto is 'Lady Uchiha'. Itachi isn't particularly fussed about being Little Uchiha because he doesn't really care about that sort of thing. If I'm not careful though, every time I write the Uchihas they're all trying to feed and mother and support each other. It's disgustingly adorable.
> 
> And because I'll probably never get around to writing it, all the nicknames are courtesy of ANBU. Itachi and Shisui also get called The Uchiha Twins, the Terrible Terrors, Little Bird, Kitty (or Kitten), and The Brats, among other things.


End file.
